Panexa: Ask your doctor

I learned from New Scientist about a new "wonder drug for everyone":

Readers who have been interested in New Scientist's discussion of "disease mongering" - the invention of new diseases in order to push up drug sales (15 April, p 5) - may like to take up Steven Allen's suggestion of a visit to www.panexa.com. Here you can read about Panexa, "a prescription drug that should only be taken by patients experiencing one of the following disorders: metabolism, binocular vision, digestion (solid and liquid), circulation, menstruation, cognition, osculation, extremes of emotion".

The drug is also recommended for people suffering from "coronary heart condition (CHC) or two separate feet (2SF)", and it can be utilised to decrease the risk of death caused "by not taking Panexa" or by "complications arising from seeing too much of the colour lavender".

A word of caution, though. Before you "ask your doctor for a reason to take it", you are advised to check out the section on possible side effects. These include "really geeky laughs", "valuable faeces composed of aluminium and studded with diamonds and sapphires" and "sudden enjoyment of really bad music".

Perhaps we finally have an antidote for dihydrogen monoxide!