More warped sayings and words

In a previous post, I provided my favorite warped sayings, such as "more fun than a bowel full of monkeys". Here are a few more:

• "There wasn't a dry seat in the house."
• "An apple a day keeps Newton away."

Here are some word tweaks:

• "I got my second wind" (pronouncing the last word to rhyme with "bind", like winding a watch).
• "ridonculous", which I first heard from a colleague I assumed made up the word, but it's in urban dictionary.

I welcome additions.