Via the Associated Press:

A Louisiana justice of the peace said he refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for any children the couple might have. Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says it is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long.

"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else."

Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said.

Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.

"There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage," Bardwell said. "I think those children suffer and I won't help put them through it."

If he did an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said.

"I try to treat everyone equally," he said....

The so-called National Organization for Marriage issued a strange ad against legalizing same-sex marriage:

While Human Rights Campaign has issued a rebuttal of the ad's claims, the ad has more effectively been countered by a number of ridiculous videos, including the original ad's audition tapes, clips of which can be seen with Rachel Maddow's entertaining commentary 2:08 into the below clip from her show:

Many video responses have been made to the easily parodied ad, such as the below spoof from Shoot the Messenger:

My favorite parody is Stephen Colbert's:

I think it's encouraging that acceptance of same-sex marriage has grown so much that its opponents have to argue against specious consequences rather than against gay marriage itself.

Update: The April 19 New York Times had a great op-ed column by Frank Rich, entitled The Bigots' Last Hurrah:

What would happen if you crossed that creepy 1960s horror classic "The Village of the Damned" with the Broadway staple "A Chorus Line"? You don’t need to use your imagination. It’s there waiting for you on YouTube under the title "Gathering Storm": a 60-second ad presenting homosexuality as a national threat second only to terrorism....

Far from terrifying anyone, "Gathering Storm" has become, unsurprisingly, an Internet camp classic. On YouTube the original video must compete with countless homemade parodies it has inspired since first turning up some 10 days ago. None may top Stephen Colbert’s on Thursday night, in which lightning from "the homo storm" strikes an Arkansas teacher, turning him gay. A "New Jersey pastor" whose church has been "turned into an Abercrombie & Fitch" declares that he likes gay people, "but only as hilarious best friends in TV and movies"....

What gives the ad its symbolic significance is not just that it’s idiotic but that its release was the only loud protest anywhere in America to the news that same-sex marriage had been legalized in Iowa and Vermont. If it advances any message, it’s mainly that homophobic activism is ever more depopulated and isolated as well as brain-dead....

It is justice, not a storm, that is gathering. Only those who have spread the poisons of bigotry and fear have any reason to be afraid.

I was surprised to hear that Pastor Rick Warren considers homosexuality to be comparable to incest, polygamy, and pedophilia. I hadn't even known he'd tried all of them.

According to the Associated Press, San Diego businessman Doug Manchester "gave $125,000 to a group backing a California ballot initiative to ban gay marriage". When threatened with a boycott, Manchester said "that he welcomes gay guests at his properties but as a Catholic believes marriage should be reserved for a man and a woman".

I applaud Manchester for living by his principles and expect him to soon initiate efforts to:

• ban marriage between Catholics and non-Catholics.
• ban remarriage by anyone whose divorced spouse is still living.

Doubters who accuse him of prejudice against homosexuals, instead of being a man of consistent religious beliefs, will then have to apologize for criticizing such a principled saintly man.

On a personal note, such an amendment would dissolve my ten-year marriage to my dear husband Keith (who, unlike me, was baptized), but it is vital in a democracy that couples' freedom and happiness be subordinated to others' religious beliefs.

From Metro, via fark:

A married couple are divorcing after they chatted each other up on the Internet using fake names.

Sana Klaric and husband Adnan poured their hearts out to each other over their marriage troubles.

Using the names 'Sweetie' and 'Prince of Joy' in a online chatroom, the pair thought they had found a soulmate with whom to spend the rest of their lives.

It should have turned out like a real-life version of the 1979 Rupert Holmes song, Escape, where a couple meet through advert by someone 'who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain'.

But, unlike in the song, there was no happy ending after they turned up for a date and realised their mistake. Now the pair, from Zenica, Central Bosnia, are divorcing after accusing each other of being unfaithful.

Sana, 27, said: 'I was suddenly in love. It was amazing, we seemed to be stuck in the same kind of miserable marriages. How right that turned out to be.'

But when it dawned on her what had happened, she said: 'I felt so betrayed.'

Adnan, 32, said: 'I still find it hard to believe that Sweetie, who wrote such wonderful things, is actually the same woman I married and who has not said a nice word to me for years.'

With the school year over, I'm working at Google almost every day, which I enjoy for many reasons, including spending more time with my husband Keith, who also works at Google. While Keith and I usually have dinner together, I lunch with my co-workers. Here is an excerpt of today's lunchtime conversation:

Co-worker1: Did you hear? Co-worker2 bought a car for his girlfriend!

Ellen: That's nothing. The guy I'm sleeping with gives me half his salary and stock.

For some reason, they weren't impressed.

The song "I'd Rather Hear Lohengrin" was popular in Mills College's past. "Lohengrin" refers to the Bridal Chorus (better known as The Wedding March) in Wagner's opera.

I'd rather hear Lohengrin,
Than work my way through college.
I'd rather hear Lohengrin,
Than gather all this knowledge.
I'd rather walk down the aisle
In a fluffy, fluffy veil,
And wait there for his smile,
Than study to no avail.

History gets in my hair,
Econ is over my head,
Spring is in the air,
And I'd much rather be wed.

I'd rather hear Lohengrin
Than study all these books,
I'd rather hear Lohengrin
Than lose my darned good looks.

The song is from the 1950 Mills Song Book.

I'd love to hear from older graduates of Mills (and other colleges) if they've heard this song and how it was regarded in their era (seriously or sarcastically).

Background: This summer, my part-time employer Google began stocking its refrigerators with fresh peanut butter and celery sticks, which became my favorite afternoon snack until I noticed I was putting on weight.

The following conversation took place with my husband last night.

Ellen: Remember my telling you last month that my pants felt tight after I started eating the peanut butter at Google, so I stopped eating it? My pants no longer feel tight.

Keith: So peanut butter must have an effect on elastic.

Men, Women, and Sex

Recently, I ridiculed the idea that men think about sex two thousand times as often as women do (once a minute vs. once every couple of days). According to my highly scientific polls, 52% of men think about sex at least once a minute while more women think about sex every few days (27%) than do one or more times per minute (18%). The majority of women (55%), however, think of sex an intermediate amount. It looks like the sex sex difference is greater than I thought but less than the article implied. Still, I'm going to invest in divorce futures.

Beyond Satire

I also had a survey on whether to run personal items in this blog. Most people said yes, although a few would prefer that I stick to the "beyond satire" theme. For those people, you can use this bookmark or this feed to only get items tagged beyond satire. Let me know if you have any problem with them.

Background: My husband Keith is a coffee addict, and I try to remember to accomodate him on our morning commute. (We don't have a coffee maker at home.)

Ellen (while driving car): Would you like me to stop at the coffee shop?
Keith: Yes, that would be great, although it's not necessary. I could jump out of the car while it's moving.