One of my many pet peeves is the misuse of the word "literally" in place of "figuratively" or "metaphorically". Literally, A Web Log highlights particularly entertaining misuses, such as this quotation from the late Rev. Jerry Falwell:

Someone must not be afraid to say, ‘moral perversion is wrong.’ If we do not act now, homosexuals will own America! If you and I do not speak up now, this homosexual steamroller will literally crush all decent men, women, and children who get in its way … and our nation will pay a terrible price!”

See also this entertaining video.

Lately, I've been doing my blogging at She's Such a Geek!:

• Geeky Valentine's cards
• 3-D Sex and the Computer Scientist
• Unique grad program for bringing women into CS

According to Femme Mentale, an article in Sunday's San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine has found the following differences between male and female brains:

• Thoughts about sex enter women's brains once every couple of days; for men, thoughts about sex occur every minute.
• Women use 20,000 words per day; men use 7,000 per day.
• Women excel at knowing what people are feeling; men have difficulty spotting an emotion unless someone cries or threatens bodily harm.

While I'm sure there are differences between male and female brains, I found these laughable. Presumably, when a man and women have sex, the man is thinking about sex and the woman is enumerating vocabulary words. Meanwhile, unless the woman starts to cry or hit the man, he hasn't the slightest idea how she is feeling.

Update: See results of above poll for men.

Ten years ago today, my friend Stephen Donaldson died. I met him through his organization Stop Prisoner Rape, for which I volunteered. Here are some excerpts from a recent article by Liz Highleyman:

Stephen Donaldson founded the first gay student organization, was one of the earliest out bisexual activists, and was the first sailor to contest a discharge for homosexual conduct. Because he was so eccentric, however, he has never received recognition as a respected pioneer of the LGBT movement....

In 1973, Donaldson was arrested during a Quaker pray-in for peace on the White House lawn. Suspecting that he planned to write an expose of jail conditions, the wardens assigned him to the most violent cellblock. He was gang-raped some 60 times over two days, so brutally that he required reparative surgery. Upon his acquittal and release, he called a press conference, becoming the first man to speak out publicly about prison rape.

I knew "Donny" through his organization Stop Prisoner Rape (SPR), which I learned about through his 1993 New York Times guest column, The Rape Crisis Behind Bars. I became SPR's first webmaster. Later, SPR became involved in ACLU vs. Reno as a co-plaintiff, since the Communications Decency Act would have banned indecent material found on SPR's website.

I plan to add more to this entry later, including Donny's humorous side, but want to get this first version out now.

Long before I met my rocket scientist husband, I've enjoyed giving newborns NASA baby suits. The above picture shows the latest recipient, Posthip Chick's daughter, Olivia. When I give these, I apologize to the parents that I couldn't afford the self-cleaning astronaut version.

Olivia's mother told me that the suit is the right height but is way too wide. I explained that they're meant to be worn on planets with heavier gravity.

I posted the following idea to the Halfbakery:

Breast feeding helps new mothers lose weight they gained during pregnancy, but other women could also benefit from this effect. There could be special farms where women receive drugs to induce lactation, and they could be milked, removing unwanted fat from their bodies.

Because toxins are stored in fat, this would also have the benefit of removing toxins from the woman's body. If the milk does not have many toxins, it can be consumed by babies or fetishists. It could be sold in stores as "lady milk" or made into cheese, chocolate, or other fine foodstuffs. This could cover the expense of running the farm and even help the women earn money while they lose weight.

Intellectual activity is also known to burn calories, so women eager to lose the maximum amount of weight, could watch videotaped (or live) physics lectures while being milked.

Anyone know if men could also benefit from this technique? Despite my great idea, I am actually not an expert in human physiology.

On the way back from a movie tonight, we went to the Mission to get crepes at Ti Couz. Unable to find street parking, I went to the Pacific Park Management garage at 42 Hoff St., where I was instructed to leave my keys in the car. Only once we were in the restaurant did I realize that I hadn't gotten any ticket or receipt.

When I returned to the garage...
Ellen: I parked here at 10:45 in a blue-green Prius and wasn't given a ticket.
Attendant 1: We can't give you your car without a ticket.
Ellen: I was never given a ticket.
Attendant 1: You can get your car if you pay the lost ticket charge of $17.
Ellen: I didn't get a ticket. Is the person who was on duty still here?
Attendant 2: I was here. I remember giving you a ticket.
Ellen: I was never near enough to you to get a ticket. You told me to leave the keys in the car, and I was never within a few feet of you.
Attendant 2: I am 100% sure that I gave you a ticket.
Ellen: If you remember that it's my car, then you don't need a ticket.
Attendants 1 & 2: Blah blah $17 lost ticket blah blah.
Ellen (to Keith): How should I handle this? Should I call the police, pay them and dispute the charge,...
Keith (angrily and loudly, which is unlike him): You should pay them and then sue them in Small Claims Court. [I've successfully sued another company.]
[Keith's cousin Jeremy, who was with us, subsequently reported that they started to get nervous at this point.]
[Ellen sees her car and walks to it. The door is locked, and the keys are not in it. She returns to the cashier. She begins loudly telling other customers and potential customers what is going on.]
Unknown person: Report them to the Better Business Bureau! I live near here, and they do this all the time.

After more back and forth...
Attendant 1: Which is your key?
Ellen: It is that one (pointing) on the top row. (I was glad I had removed my house key before leaving my keychain.)
Keith: See! There's no ticket with it, and there wasn't one on the car. [Most of the keys were with ticket stubs.]
Attendant 2: I am 100% sure that I gave you a ticket.
Ellen: There's no ticket.
Attendant 1: Hold on. I will get you a ticket.
Ellen: I don't want a ticket. I want my car keys.
Attendant 1 [taking key down but not handing it to me]: When did you park?
Ellen: I parked an hour ago. Jeremy, check the sign and see what the one-hour rate is.
Jeremy: $2.25.
[When Attendant 1 rings up the charge, Ellen takes the keys and hands them to Keith, asking him to get the car, which he does.]
[Ellen pays $2.25 and gets a receipt.]
Ellen: What is your name?
Attendant 1: I didn't do anything wrong. I'm just doing my job.
Ellen: When I complain, should I say you wouldn't give me your name?
Attendant 1: It's on the receipt.
Ellen (after checking receipt): You're Adimas?
Attendant 1/Adimas: Yes.
[Keith has pulled up. Ellen and Jeremy join him in the car.]
[Attendant 1 tries to keep group from driving away, insisting on clarifying that he has done nothing wrong.]
Ellen: Then you must be very proud of yourself for being such a good person.

Updates

• I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau.
• I wrote a letter to Robert Stang, president of Pacific Park Management.
• I wrote a letter to the head of the Mission Merchants Association.
• I wrote a letter to San Francisco District Attorney’s Office of Neighborhood Programs
• I emailed a reporter I know at the San Francisco Chronicle.
• I emailed the editor of the Mission Dispatch.

More to follow. Suggestions welcome.

A student whose thesis I'm supervising asked me:

Many of the papers I read say "we" where there is only one author. Do you consider this good form? Or is it better to say "I"?

"We" has a more formal sound to it and I would like to use it for that reason.

What are your thoughts on this?

After writing that it was up to the student, I expressed a strong preference for "I", for the following reasons:

1. A thesis is required to be a solo project, so "I" is particularly appropriate.
2. The use of "we" or the passive voice hides the role of the author, something I object to philosophically. Scientific research and writing is influenced by the subjectivity of the author, and I don't think that should be obscured.
3. I strongly object to the argument that "formal" writing is superior. That sort of thinking led to the Sokal Affair, in which a cultural studies journal accepted for publication an intentionally bogus paper by physicist Alan Sokal.

There's also a relevant Feynman story, from his highly entertaining memoir Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! (p. 282):

There was only one thing that happened at that meeting that was pleasant or amusing. At this conference, every word that every guy said at the plenary session was so important that they had a stenotypist there, typing every goddam thing. Somewhere on the second day the stenotypist came up to me and said, 'What profession are you? Surely not a professor.'

'I am a professor,' I said.

'Of what?'

'Of physics -- science.'

'Oh! That must be the reason,' he said.

'Reason for what?'

He said, 'You see, I'm a stenotypist, and I type everything that is said here. Now, when the other fellas talk, I type what they say, but I don't understand what they're saying. But every time you get up to ask a question or to say something, I understand exactly what you mean -- what the question is, and what you're saying -- so I thought you can't be a professor'!

[I realize this doesn't fit in the Beyond Satire theme. Consider this our holiday present to you.]

Children have been clamoring for Floam™, a micro-beaded modeling clay that has been heavily and attractively advertised. Unfortunately, people who have ordered Floam™ report long delays and deceptive business practices. Instead, make your own Floam™-like clay in whatever quantities and colors you like.

We found several anonymous recipes online. My husband Keith Golden tried three different recipes, then refined the best one. The result is virtually identical to Floam™ (except for smelling better). My major contribution was tracking down the polystyrene beads. (Note that the text on this site is covered by a Creative Commons license permitting reproduction with attribution for non-commercial purposes.)

Ingredients

• 2 tsp. borax (available in laundry aisle at your grocery store)
• 1/2 cup water
• 1/4 cup white glue (we used Elmer's)
• 1/4 cup water
• food coloring (otherwise it will look like cottage cheese)
• an air-tight plastic bag (for mixing and storage)
• 5/3 cups of polystyrene beads (we used 2/3 cups micro-beads and 1 cup bean bag filler)

Floam™ is made with polystyrene (aka Styrofoam™) beads ranging in size from about 1 mm to 1/8 inch in diameter. You can make an approximation of the beads at home by grating polystyrene cups, packing material etc., although we did not try this. We bought two different types of beads:

• Micro-beads (about 1 mm in diameter), which we found at a Jo-Ann Fabrics & Crafts store. We had to call several stores before finding one that sold them. They can be ordered from Roseann's Dolls.
• 1/8" beads, sometimes called "milk bottle filler" or "bean bag filler", which we bought on eBay but you can also buy through Roseann's Dolls.

Instructions

1. Dissolve 2 tsp. borax completely in 1/2 cup (4 oz.) water. Set aside.
2. In a separate bowl mix 1/4 cup (2 oz.) white glue and 1/4 cup (2 oz.) water. Optionally add food coloring.
3. Pour the glue solution into the air-tight bag. Then add 3 tbsp. (9 tsp.) of the borax/water solution to the glue solution. Do not mix them yet. You will have some borax/water solution left for another batch.
4. Add the polystyrene beads.
5. Seal bag and knead by hand until thoroughly mixed. Let stand about 15 minutes, and then knead a few minutes more.

This should produce a hard clay well suited for sculpting; for a more malleable clay, use fewer beads and optionally less of the borax solution.

Notes

• The polystyrene beads will get everywhere.
• We read but did not try this tip: "If you have access to a chemical supply house, try a 4% solution of polyvinyl alcohol instead of glue for a less rubbery polymer. It will be more transparent & show off color better." Simon Quellen Field added: "Polyvinyl alcohol is easy to get: It's used in artificial tears (and of course, white glue). On that web site you will find a hundred or so synonyms -- looking them up will likely get you better prices."
• You can read safety information about borax.
• The main difference we could detect between this and Floam™ is that ours smells like glue, while theirs smells like stinky chemicals.
• Do not eat or taunt.

If you make some and have photos or suggestions, we'd be happy to post or link to them.

Update (January 7, 2006)

Some commenters have reported problems with this recipe. If the recipe worked for you, could you reply, so I get an idea whether this works for most people. It would also be great if you have any advice for the people having problems.

Update (January 8, 2006)

We added some details to the instructions, such as that the two solutions should not be mixed together in step 3. (They are mixed in step 5.)

Update (January 15, 2006)

Readers have reported problems when using "PVA glue" but success when using glue that lists "PVA alcohol" as an ingredient.

Update (April 24, 2006)

In December, I tried buying beads over ebay from 246daisy246. I never received the beads, and she got nasty when I asked to see the proof of delivery she claimed to have. I only got a refund after complaining to PayPal. I believe she has been posting misleading comments recommending herself. I replied to the first and have been deleting the rest.

Update (May 20, 2006)

Today I disabled further comments on this article. While there have been some excellent comments, there have also been many flames and spam I've had to delete, especially from sleazy ebayers. I repeat my recommendation not to buy floam beads (or anything else) from 246daisy246.

Update (June 15, 2006)

Snarlia sent me a link to her helpful information on making floam, including where to buy the ingredients.

Today (the day after Thanksgiving) is Buy Nothing Day. Wouldn't it be more successful if they held it on Thanksgiving, when most stores are shut anyway?